This knock-knock stuff is no joke

Column by Craig Marshall Smith
Posted 5/3/21

Occasionally, this is an opinion column. Here comes one now. Advertisements taped or left hanging on front doors should be against the law. The mischief-makers of advertisements taped or left hanging …

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This knock-knock stuff is no joke

Posted

Occasionally, this is an opinion column. Here comes one now.

Advertisements taped or left hanging on front doors should be against the law.

The mischief-makers of advertisements taped or left hanging on front doors where there is a “No Solicitors” sign posted nearby should be subject to a six-month sentence.

The mischief-makers of advertisements taped or left hanging on front doors where there are four “No Solicitors” signs posted nearby like mine should be subject to life without parole.

Littering is against the law.

Advertisements left on front doors is littering.

One of my signs, in red, says “No Ads, No Coupons, No Junk.”

Guess what?

It happened again today.

This is, in a world of death and destruction, small potatoes.

However, this is not the forum for large potatoes. Sometimes I wish it were, albeit knowing I’d be in for passionate disagreements.

I mentioned littering. Have you noticed any masks on the ground?

Where I live, Harry and I see masks and dog poop.

Where is your mother when you need her?

The hampton.gov web site states, “More than 51 billion pieces of litter are released on American roadways each year,” adding that littering costs the United States more than $11 billion to clean up annually.

My front doorknob is forty inches above a woven mat. If the taped ad falls off the door, it’s litter and I’m calling the cops.

There’s nothing like spending time in the old stoney lonesome when it comes to learning a few lessons about unlawful behavior.

Some of you may remember when men and women went door to door with household products and vacuum cleaners

“Avon calling.”

Representatives for Watkins Incorporated offered “home remedies, baking products, and other household items.”

In 2021, it’s a little hard to imagine inviting someone into your home to peddle a floor wax or dessert topping.

Ads left on my front door against my wishes might be considered “small stuff.”

I think that’s what the moderators of my anger management classes would have claimed.

Over and over we were told, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”

Or maybe it was, “Don’t pet the sweaty stuff.”

All I know is that it bothers me.

While I’m at it, there’s one more thing that is even more annoying than ads left on my house.

Unwanted phone calls.

My phone allows me to block thirty phone numbers. My file is full.

“Why don’t you get an unlisted number?”

I have an unlisted number.

“Why don’t you add your name and number to the National Do Not Call Registry?”

I added my name to the National Do Not Call Registry years ago.

These people are like weeds: They grow where nothing else can.

Sometimes I have engaged in animated discussions with the callers. You don’t want to know. I don’t feel good about it, but there’s only so much a kind and sensitive individual can take.

Some of my comments and suggestions are very colorful. It is one benefit of knowing a wide range of creative expressions.

Most of the callers hang up on me.

If a call is especially egregious, I contact the Federal Communications Commission whose chairperson is Jessica Rosenworcel (a name straight out of Dickens).

What happens next? Absolutely nothing.

But at least I’ve done all I can.

One door-to-door salesperson asked if I would make a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.

Craig Marshall Smith is an artist, educator and Highlands Ranch resident. He can be reached at craigmarshallsmith@comcast.net.

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